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JOKE OF THE DAY
pat:
sorry folks i had to start this thread :-[
Dirty Lawyer
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
Debs:
NEVER TRY & OUTSMART A WOMAN
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
When he died he was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied "I can't go back on my word. I promised him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did" said the wife". "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Debs:
One morning while making breakfast,
a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said...
"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of
your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable,
she kept silent.
The next morning,
the man woke his wife with
a pinch on each of her breasts
and said....
"You know, if you firmed these up,
we could get rid of your bra."
This was
beyond
a silent response...
So she rolled over
and
grabbed him
by his
'DANGLER.'
With a death grip in place,
she said...
"You know,
if you
firmed this up,
we could
get rid of
the gardener ,
the postman,
the pool man
and
your brother!"
Debs:
font=verdana]CLEVER WOMAN!
A Woman was out
golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She
went
into=
the
woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to
her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three
wish=
es.'
The woman freed the
frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention
that
t=
here
was a
condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get times ten!'
The woman said,
'That's okay.'
For her first wish,
she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned
her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the
most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock
to'=
.
The woman replied,
'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and
he
wil=
l
have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM-she's the
most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second
wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said,
'That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he
w=
ill be
ten
times richer than you.'
The woman said,
'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine.'
So, KAZAM-she's the
richest woman in the world!
The frog then
inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a
mild
h=
eart
attack.'
Moral of the story:
Women are clever. Don't mess with them.[/font]
pat:
omg myangel you having a joke frenzy :D
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