Author Topic: Aaarh!  (Read 2807 times)

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Offline patrickc

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Aaarh!
« on: September 18, 2010, 18:56:56 PM »
Shipmates,
                At thee sound of 12 bells tonight me hearties it be Sunday 19th September, 'International Talk Like A Pirate Day',
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Talk_Like_a_Pirate_Day

so on this thread you have to talk like a pirate, aarh!.If you don't then you be a bunch of bilge suckin' land lubbin' scurvy swabs.If ye don't know how to talk like a pirate here is your pirate dictionary-

http://www.tide-mark.com/pirate_dict.html

We be sailing on the good ship Westbury under the Jolly Roger. Lets be 'aving loads of pirate jokes aarh!

Offline Debs

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2010, 20:14:46 PM »
What's a pirate's favourite fish dish?                   Pieces of skate!!!    :-\


How does a parrot start a knock knock joke?          Squawk, squawk    ::)

Why did the pirate have trouble keeping his car on the road?      Because the road was SCURVY!!!    ::)


What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?            HIGH SEAS!    ::)

« Last Edit: September 18, 2010, 21:46:07 PM by Debs »

Offline Silverthreads

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2010, 20:31:30 PM »
I like it. Getting in practice?  ;D
Is it time for your Medication or mine?

Offline Debs

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2010, 20:52:16 PM »
How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buck an ear!!! Aaaarrrgh!

What did the pirate name his daughter?
Peggy.

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It's rated arrrrrrrrr!

How do you know if a pirate is a handyman?
He has a peg-board leg!!

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!

What is a pirate's favourite type of music?
Arr and B!

Why was the pirate's butt so big?
He kept stealing everyone's booty!

How did the captains of Spanish treasure ships keep their cool?
They wore anti-pers-pirate!!!
« Last Edit: September 18, 2010, 21:08:37 PM by Debs »

Offline Debs

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2010, 20:54:20 PM »
What brand of clothes do pirates wear?
Arrrrrrrrmani!

What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook!!!!

What do you get when you cross a pirate with a zuchnni?
A Squashbuckler!!!

What is a pirate's favorite dessert?
Peach cobblARRRRR!!

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Rookie!

Why was the pirate drafted first into the NBA?
He had an awesome hook shot!

What do you call a pirate who can't conduct a good raid?
The pillage idiot.



« Last Edit: September 18, 2010, 21:06:18 PM by Debs »

Offline Silverthreads

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2010, 20:55:01 PM »
 Has 12 bells sounded yet? Well, I've been saying to hubby that I need a Cruise to convalesce!! Hope this ship Westbury is up to scratch!! Does it have Balconies?  ;D
Is it time for your Medication or mine?

Offline patrickc

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2010, 21:59:25 PM »
Thats the spirit shipmates!

Keep 'em coming.

What does a pirate with 2 wooden legs standing in snow say?

Shiver me timbers!

What does a pirate at the disco do?
Shake their booty!

Where do pirates shop?
At Aahgos!

Offline Lizzi Dripping

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2010, 22:11:31 PM »
 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate

(10) "You can flog me, but I'm not eating creamed spinach."

(9) "I've buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes."

(8) "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas."

(7) "Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck."

(6) "This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days."

(5) "I wouldn't serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig."

(4) "If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?"

« Last Edit: September 18, 2010, 22:15:46 PM by Lizzi Dripping »
There once was a man with a beautiful smile He walked into her life and again made her feel worthwhile.

Offline Lizzi Dripping

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2010, 22:18:43 PM »
A new guy shows up for a job on a pirate ship. He walks into the galley, where all the pirates are eating beans. "I'm here for a job," he said. The pirate captain looks at him, sort of leans over and lets out a long, low, juicy fart. All the pirates start farting, low and long. Soon, the place reeks. The man, wanting to show that he's tough enough to be a pirate tries to fart but only manages a "Squeeeek, poot..."

It all gets quiet on the pirate ship, and the captain stands up, waiving his hook in the air and says: "I get the virgin!"


A pirate and his crew were busy plundering a ship. When he entered the captain's quarters, he saw the captain hunched over a table, obviously deep in thought. When the captain didn't move, the pirate came closer with cutlass raised, but stopped short when he noticed that the captain was involved in a game of chess ... with a parrot! The pirate watched for a few seconds, and soon the captain made a move. "Good move! Good move!" the parrot cried, "Nice! Nice!"

Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.

The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)

"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.

"Somersaults," was the quick reply.

"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"

"That would depend on how hard I slap him."
There once was a man with a beautiful smile He walked into her life and again made her feel worthwhile.

Offline patrickc

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2010, 22:26:35 PM »

Offline patrickc

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2010, 22:48:23 PM »
How did the pirate stop smoking? 
He used the patches

Why are pirates addicted to playing cards?
One good hand and they're hooked!

Offline patrickc

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2010, 23:05:54 PM »
What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?

A sunken chest with no booty!

Offline Al

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2010, 07:51:55 AM »
Have you lot been on www.ratemypiratejoke.com or something?
Ride fast, take chances. Just don't blame me when you fall off.

Offline patrickc

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2010, 10:00:17 AM »
Ahoy Cap'n Al,
                      Nay,we be sailing the seven seas 'an talking pirate an' walking the plank as we can't afford a dog so don't ye be takin' the pish or ye'll be dancin' wi Jack Ketch an' kissin' the gunners daughter wi' the cat o' nine tails.Then ye be scuppered.

Offline Debs

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Re: Aaarh!
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2010, 11:28:23 AM »
PIRATE'S INSURANCE
After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker's compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the agent. In a booming voice the pirate replied, "Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg." The agent replied, "That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?" "Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand," said the pirate. "That's also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?" asked the agent. The pirate replied, "Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!" "What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?" said the agent. "It were the first day with me hook!"