Let's take a moment to think of Philip Schofield. The poor bugger only just came out and now he's being told he's got to stay in.
Down South they're stockpiling toilet rolls and hoarding pasta. Up North we're licking door handles to try and get two weeks off work.
Coronavirus currently has the same mortality rate in the UK as Michael Barrymore's swimming pool
Don't go to the pub. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection. Honestly, Boris Johnson is starting to sound like my f'ing girlfriend.
Thunderbirds 2020. “Go and fetch the Rolls, Parker”
“ Do you want the Andrex or Tesco home brand, Milady?”
I was concerned COVID-19 can be passed to dogs but apparently, if you use a condom, they will be fine.
As if it wasn't bad enough being Dyslexic, now I've got the Racoon virus.
The first coronavirus death in Scotland has been reported. It was someone elderly, a 27 year old.